(Not) on my own

A few weeks back I was facing a particularly hectic week and began to notice how the ministry tasks at hand were collectively causing my stress and anxiety levels to rise much too drastically. I'm usually busy, but not usually so anxious and this bothered me.

A few days later things had calmed down a bit, but I was still a little confused as to why I had been so anxious. I've been using a read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year plan as I drink my morning coffee and came across Mark 6. In this chapter Mark records the account of Jesus feeding the 5,000 and the subsequent episode of Jesus walking on the water. The disciples had just seen Jesus perform a miracle by turning five fish and two loaves into food for thousands of people. A few hours later they are on a boat and freaking out because of a storm and the fact that they see Jesus doing something else miraculous - walking on water. "Immediately he spoke to them and said "Take courage! It is I. Do not be afraid." Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened" (Mark 6:50-52).

I had never really noticed the part of the disciples' hearts being hardened. They were likely tired from the ministry of the recent days, but even though they were with Jesus they somehow missed the miracle of the loaves and fishes. Why were their hearts hardened? Had they decided that they had had enough of Jesus that week? Were they "done" with being open to the things he had to teach them?

Do I do that - do I decide that I'm done with Jesus' care for the day or for the week? Do I try to care for myself? Had my stress from the previous week come at least in some part from my attempts to care for myself? Did the busy week show how much more I need to learn how to be refreshed by Jesus and not rely on myself for the strength I need?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

That week was definitely busy and more stressful than most. It taught me to be more watchful of my tendency to take on too much. But it also taught me about my tendency to rely on myself and my own abilities to get work done and accomplish ministry tasks.

The vision of our ministry is too big for me to try to do it on my own. I'm glad I felt that stress so severely that week because it showed me just how much more I need to rely on Jesus for strength and refreshment.

Liz